Bloody Chance at Birth

I was baptized with the Holy Ghost at an altar which was in shambles. The sanctuary was in the middle of a renovation. Sawdust, nails, pieces of wood strewn around were possible objects of harm. It was a dangerous birth in the Spirit - accompanied by a few women. The sound of hammering was in the background. There was no soft, imploring music.

Immediately after receiving the Holy Ghost I was confronted and challenged with my newly repented past by looking into the eyes of the last person on earth I wanted to see. This was the beginning of the battle to steal and destroy my experience with Holy things.

I wish I could report that I arrived home wet from my baptism in Jesus Name with Heaven open, clear streets, wisdom at my fingertips, a ready answer for the hope which now lieth in me and my home would be at peace. But, no, my home was torn, my relationships changed, my job didn't fit, my mother wrung her hands once again in worry. My step-father pronounced that "Carolyn has always been extreme. It is nothing new." I felt like a failure with my family - a failure with my parenting - and certainly the worst witness for my new Jesus. I didn't fit at home. I didn't fit with my friends. I didn't fit much anywhere.

But when the church doors were open and I had a chance to have sweet fellowship with like-minded people worshipping a true God - I couldn't "play" church. It was do or die. All or nothing. I have one knob on my intensity and it is set at high volume.

I believe the message, all of it. The older generation of believers have paid a dear cost for the integrity of the message. It distresses us when we perceive that it will not be passed to the next with the same belief that all things are possible as long as it stays smack dab in the middle of the Lord Jesus Christ's will. It also distresses us when we see services for the congregation's purpose rather than the Lord's purpose.

Who do we aim to please?

My next question is, will this hopeless, desperate generation find a place to be born in the Holy Ghost with knowledgeable guides full of enough wisdom to recognize when there will be a bloody battle in the process?